A Fitzmas Wiki [Updated]
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, I'm posting a Fitzmas wiki. I warn you that I slept through my poetry classes and claim no talent nor aptitude in such erudite matters. So what you see below is a very quick and dirty first draft meant, precisely, as the skeleton basis of a wiki. Please redo, edit, modify and post your own version in the comments section. We'll determine a winner in the days to come and post it here on the homepage. Here goes...
'Twas The Night Before Fitzmas
‘Twas the night before Fitzmas,
When all through the House,
Not a leaker was spinning, not even a louse.
The papers were put in the shredders with care,
In hopes that Fitzgerald would soon not be there.
The Advisers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of frog-marching danced in their heads.
And Laura in her teddy and me with my blankie,
Were just gettin’ ready for some old hankie-pankie,When out on in the Rose Garden there arose such a clash,
I thought Tom Delay had arrived with a barrel of cash.
Away to the window I ran like a colt,
Tore open the shutter and threw back the bolt.
The glint of his badge on the new fallen snow,
Gave the burnish of midday to objects below.
When what with my wondering eyes should I see
But a U.S. attorney coming right toward me.
In his sleek black sedan he so arrogantly sits.
I knew in a moment -- it must be Saint Fitz!
Tougher than nails, some names he unreeled
And he whistled and shouted them. Man, this is surreal!
“Now Scooter! Now Scooter!
Now Cheney and Hadley!
Oh Karl, yes Karl!
You’ve all behaved badly!
Out of your beds!
And hands in the sky.
Now come with me, come with me!
Your time has drawn nigh!”As much I wanted to remain aloof,
I heard St Fitz land right on the roof,
Out poured his marshals, with cuffs and guns
I felt the sweat running ‘tween my buns.
And then in a twinkle, I heard very clear,
A horrible sound that filled me with fear.
As I drew in my head and turned toward the hall,
Down the chimney slid St Fritz with all of his gall.
He was dressed in all black from his head to his shoes,
And his mouth was smiling with all of his news.
A bundle of warrants he pulled from his jacket,
He looked like a guy wanting to bust up a racket.
His eyes — how they sparkled; his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were so rosy -- it was gettin’ real scary.
His nose was sniffin’ like it smelled only slime,
And he acted like this was some scene of a crime.
The transcripts he held so tight in his fist,
For a moment I thought he wanted Bill Frist.
To me he was a commie, elitist and fey.
I laughed when I saw him, anyway.
But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Let me know in fact I had something to dread.
He spoke not a word and pushed me aside,
I knew just then there was nowhere to hide.
I was going right down with Rove and Libby,
Such is the payback for so much fibbing.
“Sir,” said Fitz his voice in the dark so clearly,
“You’re under arrest . You have the right to an attorney!”
Your turn.
Update: We're already getting some much-improved wiki-edits from our brilliant readers.
From "Mavis Beacon:"
In a dark black sedan, himself he acquits,
I knew in a moment - it must be St. Fitz!
Surly and shifty, his perps did their walk,
Fitz called and he shouted and corralled his new flock:[snip]
But I held my head high, I tried not to grouse,
‘Till I head St. Fitz land atop the Whitehouse.
Out poured his marshals with their cuffs and their guns
I felt the sweat running cold ‘twixt my buns.[snip]
His eyes- they looked hollow, his dimples-they mocked!
His tie was so neat - I felt awe and shock.
His countenance stood firm and his manner was cold.
Like Bush on a Bush I felt six years old.
Back to those transcripts he held tight in his fists
For one blessed moment I thought he wanted Bill Frist.And my ending:
That sound - oh that sound! The rustle made me tremble,
Some deep ingrained reflex caused me to dissemble,
“I’m harmless,” I said, “a lost ballerina.”
Then he called out my bull with a scorching subpoena.
From veteran commenter "Reg:"
The press was opining, the pundits a-chatter,
Every Beltway wag was pursuing the matter.I was being chased down by the media’s axes.
But our good friends at FOX were still reading our faxes.“Don’t Criminalize Politics!” - Kristol gave it a spin.
Then Brit, Fred and Sean, like a chorus, chimed in.They’d gotten the memo, from Ken Mehlman’s hand.
But the rest of the press wouldn’t give us a pass.
Like a clarion call, echoed out through the land.
Had they finally gotten tired of kissing our ass.
October 25th, 2005 at 12:15 am
Is that the refrain or some kind of CIA secret code?
October 25th, 2005 at 12:20 am
Not at liberty to either confirm or deny.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:42 am
Given what I’ve been reading, maybe you need to change the identity of the main character – bring the setting down one notch. Does this give the thing a new twist ?
Lynne’s wearing new lingerie from Victoria’s Classified.
My pacemaker’s ticking, but Miz Veep can’t be pacified:
“Let’s add a rip-roaring chapter to my roman a clef…”
Then the shock of a noise that could wake up the deaf.
Away to the window I ran….
October 25th, 2005 at 5:53 am
Somewhere Wallace Stevens is weeping . . .
October 25th, 2005 at 6:22 am
Somewhere, Marc’s Poetry Teacher is shaking his head sadly.
But then, so is mine
October 25th, 2005 at 7:36 am
Ah, but if he doesn’t return any indictments, then you can re-phrase this using the theme of “The Fitz that Stole Christmas.”
October 25th, 2005 at 7:47 am
Wallace Stevens weeping ? I have a feeling that even Ogden Nash is weeping.
On the other hand, Marc’s venture into poetry might be making Calvin Trillin, The Nation’s Really-Bad-Rhymer-In-Residence, a bit nervous…
October 25th, 2005 at 8:29 am
How can we leave the media out of this:
The press was opining, the pundits a-chatter,
Every Beltway wag was pursuing the matter.
I was being chased down by the media’s axes.
But our good friends at FOX were still reading our faxes.
“Don’t Criminalize Politics!” – Kristol gave it a spin.
Then Brit, Fred and Sean, like a chorus, chimed in.
They’d gotten the memo, from Ken Mehlman’s hand.
Like a clarion call, echoed out through the land.
But the rest of the press wouldn’t give us a pass.
Had they finally gotten tired of kissing our ass ?
October 25th, 2005 at 8:40 am
Here’s some interesting reading (can’t rhyme anything with “828c3″ – except maybe “OT”)
http://tinyurl.com/828c3
October 25th, 2005 at 10:47 am
hilarious
October 25th, 2005 at 10:51 am
Great fun, Marc, but I think the tone should be darker.
My fun:
In a dark black sedan, himself he acquits,
I knew in a moment – it must be St. Fitz!
Surly and shifty, his perps did their walk,
Fitz called and he shouted and corralled his new flock:
[snip]
But I held my head high, I tried not to grouse,
‘Till I head St. Fitz land atop the Whitehouse.
Out poured his marshals with their cuffs and their guns
I felt the sweat running cold ‘twixt my buns.
[snip]
His eyes- they looked hollow, his dimples-they mocked!
His tie was so neat – I felt awe and shock.
His countenance stood firm and his manner was cold.
Like Bush on a Bush I felt six years old.
Back to those transcripts he held tight in his fists
For one blessed moment I thought he wanted Bill Frist.
And my ending:
That sound – oh that sound! The rustle made me tremble,
Some deep ingrained reflex caused me to dissemble,
“I’m harmless,” I said, “a lost ballerina.”
Then he called out my bull with a scorching subpoena
October 25th, 2005 at 10:51 am
Now back to work. Ahem.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:20 pm
I have a nasty feeling this endeavor qualifies as a literary form of drooling, thus vindicating GMR’s characterization of most of the rest of us.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:17 pm
Re Wallace Stevens:
“Thirteen way of looking at an Indictment”
“The Idea of Order (and Law) at Washington D.C.”
October 25th, 2005 at 7:39 pm
I’m with Mavis Beacon here. How about “The Love Song of L. Scooter Libby”
October 25th, 2005 at 8:20 pm
Christ, that was funny…
October 26th, 2005 at 11:52 am
Marc…you gotta add Randy’s Prufrock parody to your update.
October 26th, 2005 at 6:47 pm
Though you are all (lovingly said) full of crap, this was one of the funniest poetry (if that is what it was) in disguise as political banter I’ve ever seen. Reg, your’s was especially priceless.
Good job!
July 31st, 2006 at 8:53 am
gas motor scooter gas motor scooter
May 29th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
buy phentermine online cheap…
Honolulu.copyrightable famine analog discount xenical [url=http://www.weightme.com/discount-xenical.html]discount xenical[/url] http://www.weightme.com/discount-xenical.html …
August 17th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
popular free ringtones
http://www.thehotstop.info
signature…
October 15th, 2007 at 3:15 am
http://firstspremium.info/free-best-casino-listing
free best casino listing
December 11th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
The UK and Australia have massive amounts of obesity, as well, it’s not just Americans.