In Intensive Care: Clinton and Kerry Together At Last
In my utter despair over the void that currently passes as a national debate, I have conjured up that much ballyhooed piece of over-the-phone campaign advice that Bill Clinton offered John Kerry before going under the knife a few days ago.
Please read the whole thing in my latest L.A. Weekly column.
Here's just a teaser from it:
The images I have in my head are not pretty. Bill Clinton, prone in a backless hospital gown, his eyes fixed on the muted TV above his head, a CNN graphic showing Kerry down in every poll this week. Clinton's left hand lazily plays with and curls his tummy hair, his right hand presses the hospital phone tighter to his face. John Kerry, on the other end of the line, sitting down on his bed reluctantly peeling off his windsurfer's wetsuit and straining to be respectful. With the pungent odor of smoking firewood drifting in from the beach, Kerry's got images of an old-fashioned Nantucket clambake dancing in his head and nagging at his appetite, but when the former president calls, especially when he's about to enter the ICU, you take the call. If he can hustle Clinton off the phone quickly enough, he figures he can squeeze in one more round of lacrosse before chowing down on some steamers. I can imagine Clinton's first question: "Hi, John, say, is Teresa there with you? What's she wearing?"Now read the whole damn thing.
September 9th, 2004 at 12:21 am
Marc….It’s discomfortingly funny. (Alert SNL ASAP.)
September 9th, 2004 at 6:27 am
What “|” said. Marc, please consider writing comedy for a living, you’re a natural at heavy duty political satire. In fact, this article reminds me so much of the great Art Buchwald.
“You can’t make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you’re doing is recording it.” – - – Art Buchwald
September 9th, 2004 at 6:28 am
test
September 9th, 2004 at 6:49 am
This may be a shitty analogy, but I’ll write it anyway.
Let me stipulate that a presidential campaign is more like a 162 game baseball schedule than a 16 game football schedule.
In baseball, because of the length of schedule, you will likely achieve only what you are truly capable of; lucky breaks and brief moments of playing better than you are will all even out. You will play all the same opponents as your competitors, approximately the same number of times. At the end of the season your true abilities will be known and will have acurately determined your level of success.
In football, a good break (weather, offical mistake in your favor, a schedule full of weak opponents) or especially well played game or plan can help you dramatically overachieve. See last year’s Kansas City Chiefs.
Marc has hit the nail on the head with JFK II. He thinks in terms of we not I. He looks too often to others for advice and approval. He is too clever by half in thinking about and explaining why he holds a particular point of view. In the end he is what he is: indecisive and without a true leaders mentality.
GWB is decisive and does exude leadership qualities. Sure, he sends us off half cocked in the wrong direction some (most?) times, but I would be hard pressed to say he is indecisive.
September 9th, 2004 at 11:56 am
Well, I hope they stay away from that whole “Bush snorted coke at Camp David, paid for an illegal abortion and went AWOL,” kinda crap.
The American people only care for policy discussions.
September 9th, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Steve….I’m breathless…..first one of your posts I agree with….and you did not quote anyone.Go Steve!
George……Your right on about Marc. He should only write satire.
Marc…..L.A. Weekly piece one your best!
Bonnie
September 9th, 2004 at 4:07 pm
Bonnie,
Are you thinking of the other Steve, the one who gets too much attention in here?
September 9th, 2004 at 4:16 pm
Sorry Bonnie, in an oversight I used my given name and not my web comments “handle”. Check the email address, the earlier “steve” post was from me.
September 9th, 2004 at 5:24 pm
Ha! as chris matthews would say!
September 9th, 2004 at 5:41 pm
Clearly, one of us should be offended.
September 9th, 2004 at 5:42 pm
At least YOUR post-RNC column had elements of whimsy, Marc, unlike Brendan Bernahrd’s leaden effort…
September 9th, 2004 at 6:05 pm
Marc…Michael …and Too Many Steves…..
I should have known that Steve’s post was too good to be true!
Kudos to ” Too Many Steve’s”.
Next time I will check the address…..
September 9th, 2004 at 6:20 pm
Are you thinking of the other Steve, the one who gets too much attention in here?
–yeah, right, actually i’ve received some quite positive responses to my comments recently on this board, and from people who in the next breath compliment Marc!
September 9th, 2004 at 6:35 pm
Will the real Steve please stand up!
“–yeah, right, actually i’ve received some quite positive responses to my comments recently on this board, and from people who in the next breath compliment Marc”
Now we know which Steve is offended!
September 9th, 2004 at 6:39 pm
Wow, this is almost is getting to be fun.
September 9th, 2004 at 6:51 pm
offended? heck no, i’m with marc, it’s fun to watch when people agree with me and then in the next breath agree with marc. it kinda takes the steam outta the ‘ban the troll who violates our right to an echo chamber’…lobby.
September 9th, 2004 at 7:13 pm
steve.. dont martyr urself …yet. I havent banned u. Im saving that up for some day soon when I need to cheer myself up.
September 10th, 2004 at 11:59 am
martyr myself? how could i do that when there are people out there in your comments sections writing things like this:
I agree with Steve.Dubya was coherent and fairly together up to the point of the protesters.When the crowd was yelling at the wrong places in the speech it seemed to really freak him out and I was waiting for him to melt down.This was truly evident on T.V. He did get his composure back at the last quarter of the ramble.
Marc, thanks so much for the coverage, it made my week.
September 11th, 2004 at 11:08 am
There is a rational debate going on, but it’s over dinner tables or at work or wherever people happen to be living ordinary lives. By the time of the infomercial conventions, we were ready to listen up and make a choice between Popeye and the Cowbody.
That other debate is a slugfest in the meta world of news media. We all kind of step around it and go on with our business.
September 11th, 2004 at 11:09 am
Ooops, loved your Clinton story, too!
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