Teed Off!
Oh no. John McCain might just have ruined my best laid plans.
I explain: After much urging from colleagues and friends, I’ve been slowly mulling over the possibilty of trying my hand at…golf! Mind you, my only experience on the greens, to date, has been racking up nine or ten strokes trying to get a lime green ball through the windmill on the 9th hole at the miniature golf course.
But I have to say, I’ve been mightily tempted to try the real thing. Mostly because it would be a good excuse to have some fun with good friends, because I love the desert, and because I know I’d suck so bad at the game that it would be a real challenge.
It hasn’t been easy edging toward the range. If you’d told me during that heated summer of ’68 –with dreams of French students and Czech workers filling my head– that exactly 40 years later I’d be downing a couple of Toprols in the morning, pulling up some argyle socks and packing my irons in the trunk, I’d have thought you had slipped me a tainted batch of Purple Sandoz. I mean, golf is something sort of culturally alien to me. It symbolizes (or symbolized) everything that’s wrong. Indeed, I would laugh the hardest whenever George Carlin would do his anti-golf shtick calling it a stupid, elitist game favored by a**hole businessmen who carve up the world for profit while walking the links. Close down the greens and turn them into housing for the homeless, Carlin would shout.
Ok, so I had just about overcome all of those misgivings these past few weeks. I started browsing catalogues for clubs. I interrogated everyone I knew who plays the game and found, much to my relief, that there were actually bona fide thinkers, intellectuals, profs, even a few artists who played the game (George Lopez does!). I had started imagining what I would buy to wear. When I was in the desert a few weeks ago, I even toured the local PGA course and chatted up the pro.
This week I had resolved finally to book a handful of lessons to get started without first making a total fool of myself.
And then, friggin’ John McCain goes ahead and features Johnny Mack golf gear on his official web site!
Brrrrrrrrrrr! Uggggghhhh!
Do I want to be one of them? One of those people? It was a year ago that I received the same defib implant that Dick Cheney’s got. But getting stuck with a Republican heart was involuntary. Just don’t know if I can now go that extra step of acquiring a GOP hobby.
This whole McCain Golf Gear thing has set me back at least two weeks in my tee off debut.
But forget about me. This is just one more warning sign of the general befuddlement of McCain and one more indication — by my reckoning– that this guy’s gonna get buried in a landslide come November.
I love the way that speculation over Obama’s ability to attract (white) working class votes has become a full-time obsession. But what about McCain? Out here in Los Angeles, regular grade gas has gone from $3.99 to $4.46 in less than two weeks. Ask me, I drive a 400hp V-8 (though my second bang-around car churns only 350hp). Last time I looked, the market was down about 10% over the year. Foreclosures are at an all time high. Home equity is at an all-time low. Ed McMahon is about to get an unfriendly knock on the door! Unemployment sharply spiked last month. And the GOP candidate wants you to “show your support for John McCain on the course.” ??????
I don’t know about my friends, but I would get up at 5 a.m. and chase a ball through an artificially and obscenely irrigated desert precisely to get away from the working class! (Having more or less been born into it, it’s a right I feel entitled to exercise at any moment). Isn’t that why God invented country clubs in the first place? To exclude the hoi polloi?
Barack Obama might, in fact, have a certain problem attracting the votes of the white working class. But who the hell is gonna vote for John McCain? To get out of the sand pit in which his pal George W. Bush has driven his party, he’s going to a need a lot more support than he can gather from us legion of geezers out swingin’ our sticks.
June 10th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Golf Digest rates Obama as a 16 handicap. It’s a very “democratic” game. Don’t let John McCain spoil your fun. This is his way of breaking with Bush on Iraq – since Bush claims to have given up golf because of the war.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:00 am
I guess John McCain will have to be satisfied with the support of those who watch Tiger Woods-you know, that “black” golfer.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Leave it to a progressive to imply that playing golf turns one into a republican.
I’ll have you know that last week I shot a blistering 79.
On the second hole I didn’t do as well.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Just so that we don’t forget the Clinton’s, Tiger Woods played with Bill Clinton and said that Clinton cheats at golf. Also, Gerald Ford played with Bill Clinton and said that Bill not only cheated but he cheated on every hole!
But, I can see why this game is confusing to most Democrats. To cheat in golf you subtract, but to cheat in politics, after seeing election results, Democrats routinely add.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:43 am
I don’t know about my friends, but I would get up at 5 a.m. and chase a ball through an artificially and obscenely irrigated desert
Precisely my issue with golf. It’s a waste of water. They should play on desert dirt and adjust the par for the course accordingly.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:51 am
McCain associates himself with golf because he is the green candidate.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
“this game is confusing to most Democrats”
In the East Bay, a Democratic stronghold, we’ve got more courses than I can count. If it was, earlier in it’s history, an elite game, it sure as hell isn’t now and hasn’t been for years. “Legion of geezers” doesn’t accurately describe the golfer crowd. I chatted with a 92-year old guy the other day at one course, but there were also “kids” with tattoos practicing. That’s what’s great about it. I don’t know if Michelle Wie is an outgrowth of this, or spurred their interest, but I’m struck by the number of young Asian-American women who are playing these days.
I’d also recommend – or better yet, Gary McCord in his fun-for-beginners “Golf for Dummies” recommends – not overspending on a first set of clubs. You might even check CraigsList for starters. There’s plenty of time to drop the big bucks on upgrades once you know yourself and the game better.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I apologize for a remark off topic, but this breaking news is too important to ignore: Obama Admits Smoking Cigarettes in Last Few Months
Now, back to golf.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
I’m with Randy on this: golfing is a tremendous waste of water and other resources. I can think of about a hundred other ways of getting exercise and enjoying the outdoors with considerably less negative impact in the environment.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:11 am
When I was in junior high I took my dates to play mini-golf. Didn’t get much mini-action.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Marc, when you’re out on the golf course, don’t think “John McCain.” Think “Tiger Woods.” Your swing will be much smoother.
PS–Democracy is coming to the USA! Check it out on Balter’s Blog.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Samuel – you’re making a case against Los Angeles entire at least as much as against golf courses.
Berkeley’s Tilden Park is a great example of a well-managed public park space that includes a golf course. Green resource management is increasing at golf courses – certainly the public ones, using recycled secondary water sources, etc. You’ll find, through the week, as many people per acre enjoying the golf course as the rest of the park.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Speaking of stuff at the McCain store, there’s this
June 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
>Didn’t get much mini-action.
Yes, but Bill Clinton apparently plays 18 a day, and, according to Woody, cheats on them all
nyuk nyuk
June 11th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Golf courses preserve green space in areas that would have been taken over by housing projects.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
The original web page
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/198945.php
had the Golf Gear item right next to the Obama and Iraq item. That shows a healthy perspective on the importance of golf!
I have this theory about LA that says there are mountain people, desert people, and ocean people. I know some folks equally love more than one camp, but I’ve always preferred desert, thought mountains are OK, and put ocean last. Perhaps that’s just because I never lived in walking distance from the ocean.
Reg, one of the curses of living in the BA is a need to poke indiscriminately at LA from time to time. Amusingly, this need is not reciprocated.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Yeah, Michael. You’re right. It’s cheap and too easy.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Woody, golf courses do preserve green space, but they tend to breed, not supplant, housing projects (on their periphery).
June 11th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Those housing projects are well known for their views of the fairways and greens.
June 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I was a golf addict in my teens. I was also a caddy at an old-money country club. That experience, more than anything else (including poverty), soured me on the rich. Publinx golf is democratic, fair enough, but not country clubs. When I first saw Caddyshack, I thought it was a documentary (though I never caddied for a Rodney Dangerfield).
June 11th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
The houses near a water hazard are considered “two-fers.”
June 11th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Just because it’s “green space” doesn’t mean it’s environmentally integrated. There’s “green space” all over the hills of central Guatemala, the result of rampant deforestation. It’s also eroded and exausted soil, so not only is it destroyed rainforest, but much of it is useless for agriculture.
Then again, maybe the Mayans can make a buck off golf tourism. In between the increasing flooding and droughts, of course. But then maybe we can just lay astroturf and make the “green spaces” permanent. So pretty!
June 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Pave paradise. Put up a parking lot. (I’m pretty sure that song is about endangered country clubs.)
June 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
A good walk spoiled. Stick to fishing, Marc. It’s far better for your blood pressure.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“I’ll have you know that last week I shot a blistering 79.”
Damn! Do you normally shoot you age on the 1st hole?
June 11th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
It’s okay, Marc.
Obama plays golf, too.
I, however, do not.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
“Golf courses preserve green space in areas that would have been taken over by housing projects.”
Just heard a story yesterday about Reno-Tahoe airport buying a next door golf course to preserve green space around the airport. Gophers aren’t known for filing excessive noise complaints.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
With all the earthquakes around Reno, you don’t need explosions targeting gophers to sink a ball hanging on the lip of the cup.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
If it wasn’t for golf, men would have no place to meet privately and run the world.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
hey Marc -
Many many years ago, before the days of rage, I was a very low handicap golfer and competed in local and state tournaments. I made my college golf team, but quit the game immediately afterward, since I was then a young seeker and longed for something ineffable beyond the eighteenth hole.
I almost never play anymore, but occasionally practice at a driving range where the local Korean population seems to have transformed the game into a fierce religious devotion.
All I can say is watch out brother. Once the game gets its claws into you, it’s hard to wriggle free. You may lose your taste for surf fishing and celebrity poker, for citizens’ journalism and life itself.
But don’t let that stop you. Get yourself some sticks and learn the mysteries of the the interlocking grip.
And btw — since you live in LA, you should know that Griffith Park is a very good public course. Or at least it was about 35 years ago. Don’t let McCain stomp on your good time, Marc. Tee ‘em high and let ‘em fly.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Staying on a sports theme, I read this on the Bama Mag forum:
June 11th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Golf = Republicans, Anti- Environmentalists, viejos momios, Scotsmen.
Since you’re none of the above, Marc, stick to gambling, fishing, and chasing down the Clintons.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I don’t get the whole “traditional journalism” vs. “cititzen journalism” debate. Isn’t it about getting to the truth?
As far as golf goes, it takes a long time to develop a golf swing, but hopefully it’s a long life. One thing I like is the unspoken rule, that whether with friends or strangers, one only talks about golf on the golf course.
I guess the evil deals are made on the 19th hole, my fave BTW.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Alright Marc. Take up golfing. Could be quite good for you. But golfing, like many things in life could lead to a wide assortment of unintended consequences. Where should we place you in this:
http://tinyurl.com/5wnh7w
Surely, Woody has to be the Ted Knight character.
June 12th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Pretty bad language, but here is a funny video of Robin Williams on golf.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:22 am
> since you live in LA, you should know
>that Griffith Park is a very good public course.
The Lakes at El Segundo is a good beginner course, pleasant and inexpensive. It’s right near LAX so don’t try to go during peak airport hours or rush hour.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Finally, golf is something for everyone.
June 13th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Three words, Marc: “BE THE BALL.”
April 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I wanted to comment and thank the author, good stuff
June 2nd, 2011 at 4:31 pm
really this si all you can come up with now